I wrote the framework for this post in the aftermath of a 20-2 loss in our first game of the season. As the dust began to settle, and the events that lead to the loss became clearer - I started pondering the power our mind has over not only our performance but the way we respond to failure, success and everything in between. This post explores how the expectations we set for ourselves before stepping foot on the field can often do more harm than good.
20-2 in 3 innings.
The results that lead to this defeat started to manifest long before any of us got to the diamond.
Weeks before this season opener we named the starting pitcher along with two relief pitchers that were slated to throw. Unintentionally, this began a long process for our players to overindulge in their ego, feed their anxieties, and erode their confidence.
The reason for "naming" pitcher's was all in an effort to allow them to mentally (and physically) prepare themselves ahead of time. What I am now learning, dealing with teenage that are still developing their brain, confidence, and self-identity, is that they have no fucking idea what that means or looks like.
There is no better example than an answer to a question I posed one of the pitcher's after his outing.
Me: "What was your goal for this outing?"
Athlete: "Throw one good inning."
Me: "Is that really all you expected of yourself?"
Athlete: "Well, I wanted to go four or five innings."
This lofty expectation of himself is where his poor performance originated from. As Gary John Bishop states in Unfuck Yourself: "It's simple. You, like everybody else, are weighed down by expectation."
Now, why did his mind jumped to that extreme of an expectation? I'll be honest, I have don't have a solid fucking answer, but let's discuss anyway.
To me, our expectations are directly tied to our definition of success.
We have all heard the cliches about effort mattering more than results but few of us live it. When our definition of success is tied to our results inadvertently we are setting hidden expectations for ourselves.
For example, a successful game by your definition might be going 1 for 3 at the plate. While of course, you have a faint understanding that not every game will go like that, because you set the measurement of success at that level you are likely to have a hidden expectation for yourself to perform only a step or two below that - for instance putting the ball in play.
While leaving the diamond I had a great conversation with another one of the pitcher's about his mindset, aka the expectations he imposed on himself prior to the game and what he had built for himself as the gauge for success. In our conversation, a passage from a book (Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck) I lent him came up:
" The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience."
- Mark Manson.
As an athlete, a pitcher, in this case, craving a "successful" outing is, in fact, a negative experience. It corners you into empowering the result of the outing as opposed to the process that leads to the result. What's even more unreasonable is the metrics we use to gauge that "success" (ie. result) on. Metrics like era, strike%, walks, etc. So much of what happens over the course of an outing/game is out of our control.
If your gauge for a successful outing was to "throw strikes" - what happens if you throw 40% strikes but throw 5 innings of no run baseball? What happens if you only throw 40% strikes but there were tons of competitive pitches the umpire called against you - stuff just off the black? Did you fail?
While it is certainly true that strike percentage is a fairly good indicator for success, it is also not bulletproof. The same could be said about velocity, hits allowed, runs scored, etc.
Part of the process of conquering the space between our ears is learning to reframe our measure of success to not be so entwined with the result - or our "goals". Rather, our primary focus should be on the process/habits/systems we use to accomplish them. This will help to deaden the expectations we build for ourselves and instead admit that we are not a finished product - committing to improving our game-play each time we step on the diamond.
In Atomic Habits, James Clear outlines four problems that arise when we focus on our goals instead of our habits.
Winners and losers have the same goals.
"Every Olympian wants to win a gold medal... And if successful and unsuccessful people share the same goals, then the goal cannot be what differentiates the winners from the losers."
Goals are only a momentary change.
"Imagine you have a messy room and you set a goal to clean it. If you tidy up, then you will have a clean room - for now. But you maintain the same sloppy, pack-rat habits... soon you'll be looking at a new pile of clutter..."
Goals restrict your happiness.
How often have you thought to yourself "Once I accomplish X, then I'll be happy!" By doing this we continuously put off our happiness until we reach our next goal/milestone. Happiness ends up becoming a state that only our future self can enjoy. Guess what, contrary to what you believe, you have everything around you to be happy TODAY - not tomorrow - TODAY.
Out of all the problems Clear describes, this one hits home for me the most, and it's where I think most athletes struggle.
All throughout High School, I thought accomplishing my dream of playing collegiate ball would fix everything I disliked in life.
I thought I would have better coaching, better teammates, that I would like school more, that I would perform better, you name it I thought it would be better.
I now realize just how fucking ridiculous that all is. I'm sorry to say it guys, but after you accomplish any goal it is never going to be nearly as life-changing as you make it out to be. At the end of the day, you will go to bed and wake up and it will be just another day. And there is nothing wrong with that, honestly! I have come to learn that treating every day as an opportunity to enjoy all that life will throw at you and evolve my thoughts and skills has given me enough satisfaction to make every day a meaningful one - yet leave me with enough desire to wake up the next day and accomplish something I didn't in the previous one.
Goals conflict with long-term progress.
"The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems [ie. habits] is to continue playing the game...It's not about any single accomplishment. It is about a cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement."
This is all to say that while as coaches and players we will always have goals, they should not be our primary focus. Instead, we should focus on the daily habits that compound - that propel us towards our goals. These habits could be getting a good night sleep before a game, eating a good nutritious dinner before leaving for the diamond, getting to the diamond and following a well put together warm-up, etc. In a previous post, I went in-depth on Habit Forming - if you are interested in learning how to form good habits and stick with them be sure to give that a read.
Learning from this Case Study:
1: Preparation is the best form of confidence.
In the downtime between games or outings, you need to put in legitimate fucking work. If you don't, you show up to the diamond planning to luck out that your competition didn't get any better either. Imagine if instead, you found areas of your game to improve, even if marginally, you would come into the game feeling more prepared - thus more confident in your ability to produce.
So not only have your physical skills improved but with them your mental game as well.
Say as a pitcher one of the things you struggled with in your last outing was executing a two-strike breaking ball and in between outings you worked on your grip and feel extensively. Now when you head into the game and face that same situation you will have a better shot of executing the pitch, but more importantly, because of the work you put in the pressure of the situation will deflate. You will trust yourself more - the doubt you used to experience in yourself and your pitch will deteriorate as well. This is called a virtuous cycle.
2: Let go of result driven expectations.
It is virtually impossible to cut out all expectation from ourselves but what we can do is divert our expectations to our preparation and our effort. Rather than expecting a particular set of results, ie. how many hits you will have, how many innings pitched, how many strikeouts, etc, focus your expectations on your habits for preparing and your effort in game.
When you learn to expect nothing of yourself in terms of results you can finally be free to be in the present - playing the game, and enjoying it - while continuing to improve.
3: Free yourself from other's expectations.
Many of the expectations we set for ourselves stem from the ones we allow other people to impose on us. Your coaches, parents, teammates, etc, typically observe you not for who you are but who they want you to be. Pleasing others is an impossible task since everyone has different hopes and expectations for you.
"To overcome expectations, we must maintain ownership of our choices."
- Gustavo Razzetti
By taking back control of your definition of success you will stop trying to live up to other peoples "successful performance" ideals, instead, you can focus on the process of incremental improvement and free yourself from the pressure of expectations.
Concluding Thoughts:
It is my belief that the mental game and skill development work in tandem. As you work through a program and see quantitative skill gains you gain confidence in yourself and your "process". This confidence builds trust and helps athletes roll with the punches that the game will throw at them.
However, I know that there is much more to the mental side of the game than just "trusting the process" - I'm working at improving at this.
Stay tuned for future posts with more of my thoughts on the mental game and basic strategies to implement with your athletes.
Further Reading:
Unfuck Yourself - Gary John Bishop
Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson
Atomic Habits - James Clear
Get Rid of Your High Expectations - Darius Foroux
How to Conquer Expectations and Live the Life you Love - Gustavo Razzetti